How I Survived Friday Without Saging My Coworkers
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It’s Friday, cosmic crew — Venus’s day of love, beauty, and pretending we’re not one passive-aggressive email away from a full moon meltdown.
I made it through another week surrounded by caffeine, fluorescent lighting, and the most spiritually challenging of obstacles: coworkers.
🎯 Exhibit A: The Energy Vampires in Their Natural Habitat
You know the ones.
The “just circling back” crowd.
The “did you see my email?” clan.
The “I know it’s 4:59, but quick question—” species.
By noon, my aura was flickering like a dying Wi-Fi signal. I could feel my Black Tourmaline begging for hazard pay.
If I had a dollar for every time someone walked into my office radiating chaos, I could buy a 7-pound Amethyst and name it “HR Protection Grid.”
🌀 Exhibit B: The Crystal Co-Workers That Got Me Through It
💎 Black Tourmaline – My “Do Not Disturb” field in physical form. Deflects drama, bad vibes, and Janet’s unsolicited opinions about mercury retrograde.
💎 Lepidolite – Keeps me calm during unnecessary meetings that could’ve been emails.
💎 Selenite Wand – My metaphysical Clorox wipe. Used hourly.
💎 Citrine – Because someone has to bring sunshine energy to this grayscale office, and it’s clearly not Steve from accounting.
💎 Smoky Quartz – For when I need to disappear energetically but still get credit for attending the Zoom.
✨ Exhibit C: The Breaking Point (and Redemption Arc)
Around 3:47 p.m., after hearing “Let’s circle back on Monday” for the 9th time, I nearly saged the entire office.
I even had my lighter out.
Then I remembered HR frowns on open flames — and possibly minor exorcisms.
So instead, I waved my Selenite like a cosmic wand, whispered “not today,” and rewarded myself with a venti iced coffee and three minutes of disassociating in the parking lot.
Instant vibe reset.
🪐 Exhibit D: The Cosmic Takeaway
You don’t need to banish your coworkers (tempting though it may be). You just need the right vibe armor.
So the next time the office chaos starts to hum louder than your intuition, grab your Tourmaline, roll your eyes with grace, and remember:
✨ You’re the sparkle in their spreadsheet. ✨
🌀 Sage-free, caffeine-fueled, and cosmically clocked out,
Kimbo xoxo
Chief Vibe Protector & Professional Eye Roller
“Where natural energy meets your highest intentions — and sometimes, your last