I Brought Crystals to Work and HR thinks I'm a witch.

Look, I just wanted to survive Monday.

So, I stuffed my bra with Rose Quartz, lined my desk with Obsidian, tucked a chunk of Fluorite next to the printer, and whispered “protect me from Janet’s weird vibes” under my breath.

Now people keep asking if I’m “setting up for a séance” or “selling rocks from a tiny museum.”

No, Linda. I’m grounding. There’s a difference.

🪨 My Desk Is Now a Safe Zone (and Slightly a Crystal Shop)
Let’s break down my workday survival kit:

Black Tourmaline: For that 9 a.m. meeting where Steve interrupts everyone with “just to piggyback off that…”

Selenite Wand: Not a pointer. A vibe-cleansing lightsaber. Especially useful after passive-aggressive emails.

Citrine: To trick the universe into thinking I want to be productive.

Amazonite: So I don’t accidentally throat-chakra blast someone into next week.

Lepidolite: For when I’m two seconds from quitting via dramatic Post-It note.

💼 Crystal Coworker Types (You Know Who You Are)

The Rose Quartz: Brings snacks, compliments your hair, cries during performance reviews.

The Obsidian: Silent. Mysterious. Possibly a Scorpio. Don’t cross them.

The Pyrite: Has 3 side hustles, 6 monitors, and drinks espresso like it’s moon water.

The Amethyst: That one manager who thinks everything is a team-building opportunity.

Me? I’m the Labradorite — sparkly, chaotic, and occasionally disappears without explanation.

✨ When HR Asked Why I Had a Singing Bowl
I told them it was for “resonance alignment.”
They wrote that down and now I think I might be in charge of staff morale.

🔮 Final Word from the Break Room
If you’ve ever clutched a tumble stone like it was a lifeline mid-Zoom call, or saged your cubicle before budget meetings — this is your sign to embrace the woo at work.

Your workspace deserves more sparkle. And honestly? So does Janet.

Because if you're gonna survive corporate chaos, you might as well do it magically.
xo,
Kimbo