Too Intuitive to Eat or Too Neurotic to Function

Because sometimes the fries aren’t the problem — it’s the energy of the person who touched them.” 

It always starts the same.
I’m hungry. I’m tired. I don’t want to cook.
So, I open the food app and start building my dream order like a sane person.

But then it hits me.

“Do I really trust a complete stranger to cradle my sushi roll with clean energy and clean hands?”
Suddenly I’m staring at the checkout screen, picturing dirty fingernails, warm lettuce, lukewarm vibes,  and fries that absorbed every cursed vibe between the fryer and my front porch.
 
🤯 Exhibit A: My Psychic Spiral into Takeout Doom
“What if they sneezed? Near my dumplings?”
“What if they tasted one fry just to make sure it was salted properly?”
“What if the bag sat in the car for 9 minutes… next to gym socks… and a crystal they don’t even cleanse?”
“What if they’re a Scorpio and my pad thai has trust issues now?”
By the time I’ve imagined the entire karmic journey of my spring roll, I’ve talked myself out of eating altogether and started brewing moon-charged tea with a side of resentment.

🧼 Exhibit B: I Didn’t Eat But I Did Build a Crystal Grid Out of Anxiety
Here’s what I reach for instead of the menu:
Lepidolite – For talking myself down from calling the health department preemptively
Obsidian – For shielding from the ghost energies of finger grease and forgotten napkins
Amethyst – So I can stop spiraling and start trusting (or at least hydrate)
Howlite – Because it whispers “calm down” while I scream into the void
Blue Chalcedony – The “I won’t text support and demand a background check” crystal
Tigers Eye – For courage. In case I do order and need to face the delivery driver’s energy head-on

🍕 Exhibit C: The Time I Actually Ordered — and Then Cleaned the Box with Palo Santo
I cracked. I ordered.
I saged the porch.
I used tongs to remove the food from the bag like it was radioactive.
I placed my fries on a Selenite plate.
I apologized to the food for the journey it endured.
I apologized to myself for being this dramatic.
I ate in silence under the protective gaze of 6 charged crystals and one judge-y cat.

✨ Final Thoughts from the Spiritually Starving:
Do I trust delivery?
Not always.
Do I believe in energy transfer through styrofoam containers?
Yes, unfortunately.
Do I deserve warm food without psychic sabotage?
Absolutely.

So if you've ever canceled a DoorDash order because you suddenly imagined dirty fingernails that look like they dig for worms and wondered what kind of day was the cook having—
you're not paranoid.
You're intuitive.
You’re sensitive.
You’re a high-vibe clean freak with crystal standards.

🍜 Spiritually ravenous, vibrationally selective, and slightly underfed…
Kimbo xoxo

“Where natural energy meets your highest intentions — and your fries better come saged, sealed, and soul-approved.”